Mar. 21st, 2007

czechoslovakians: (ML Animated Kiss)
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you



I stalk her. I know that’s the technically correct term for it though I prefer watching, protecting…something that doesn’t make me sound so creepy. I think I’ve always kind of stalked her. I was eight years old when I first stood outside Liz Parker’s window.

Isabel and I were on our way home from the park. We were late and trying to make it home in time for dinner. We were running by her house and I saw her light on in her room. She was bent over the desk in her room, writing something. I stopped and Isabel looked back at me.

“Tell Mom I’ll be right there.”

“You’re gonna get in trouble. We’re late for dinner.”

“I know. Just tell Mom I’ll be right there.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Isabel had run off and I’d stood there watching Liz Parker until full dark had fallen.

At which point my dad had shown up in his car. He and Mom were terrified something had happened to me.

After that I waited until everyone was asleep to sneak out and stand outside Liz’s window.

I still stand outside her window for hours that she’ll never know about it despite the fact that I’m her boyfriend now. I could go knock on the window and she’d let me in. Sometimes being so close to Liz is like being a moth in a flame. She’s so bright and so full of love and joy…she burns. Sometimes I just have to get some distance.

On my worst nights I think I’m storing it all up for when Michael, Isabel and I have to run. I know that in ways she’ll understand that and in others she’ll never forgive me for leaving her behind. She’ll probably, initially, think it was because I didn’t love her enough.

One of these days she’ll realize it’s because I love her so much.

With or without her, loving Liz has never had anything to do with actually being with her.

It’s more like breathing.

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Max Evans

March 2007

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